At the end of January I had a lovely date with a great guy. He was attractive and intelligent with interesting perspectives on many well-worn ‘first date topics’. He made me laugh and by the end of the evening I was more than excited to tumble into bed with him. However, as I left his flat in the early hours of the morning, I decided that I probably wouldn’t see him again. It had been a great date and all but I just wasn’t feeling it. I told myself that I knew what a spark feels like and that there definitely wasn’t one between us. I messaged him the next morning to thank him for the fun evening and then promptly decided to never contact him again. I was also pretty sure the feeling was mutual.
I was therefore somewhat surprised when by the end of the week he had already messaged me to ask if I wanted to see him again. I stared at the messaged and internally ‘uhmed’ and ‘ahed’ about how to let this guy down gently. But as I juggled words in my mind, a conversation that I had had with him on our first date flashed into my consciousness. We had been talking about the effects that dating apps are having on people’s dating habits and social skills. He had said something that resonated with me very strongly because I realised that that was exactly what I had been doing: “People are only looking to find flaws in their dates so that they can move onto the next person that is so easily available.” And I was about to do the exact same thing with him. I had been so busy focusing on the lack of immediate spark between us that I had lost sight of everything else about him that was intriguing. In that moment I decided to give him a chance. I deleted the message I had been writing and instead replied with the affirmative.
That weekend, as we sat drinking wine on his balcony talking about all things from meditation through to gender identity, I realised that here in front of me was a special human that was worth taking the time to get to know. He was worth a chance.
We have now been seeing each other for almost two months and I can honestly say that I’m not sure if it will lead to anything more serious. However, getting to know him has brought me deep joy and nourishment to my soul and I am grateful that I didn’t write him off immediately. So friends, take chances with people. Go on second dates. And don’t only look for flaws.
Yours in contentment,
Peaches and Cream